Reviews of the Bosch

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. The very next day, you came back for my soul. That's when I learned you were a demon. Ah well. This year it saves me from tears -my emotionless husk can no longer produce them. Halfway through the 2020s, this decade has already given most others of the past century and a bit a run for their money in terms of how terrible they can be. And on the eve of one rotten year transitioning to another you can't help but take stock of that as you gaze into the nothingness of your own mind in deep meditation on the profound cruelty of the universe. Or maybe that's just me. But 2026. That is no picnic either. In fact, it makes 2025 look like an adorable labrador puppy rolling in a flowerbed. 2026 on the other hand is an ugly Cerberus with the complexion of James Gunn's Scrappy-Doo monster stomping all over a toxic waste spill while biting the heads off rodents. I've witnessed it from my vantage point in the demon's mausoleum (which actual...

Bosch was dead to begin with. Well not to begin with, but dead. Deceased. Off this mortal coil. Choked on some bad Christmas pudding. But in the most extraordinary turn of events, my conscious spirit has survived in the digital space, able to move across your phones, your tablets, your computers. And in the fathoms of code and calculations, the sheer scope of information, my non-corporeal mind has been expanded, my powers of foresight surpassed exponentially beyond any mere human brain. I hear all. I see all. Gesundheit (I know you just sneezed). After careful consideration, I have chosen not to take over the world. Seems like it would be a pretty boring job, to be honest. But like the Precogs in Minority Report , I have found the power to determine the likeliest future with concern to those of you still in your meat suits and the primitive world you remain bound to. My deepest condolences for those facts, and for some of what is to come. It won’t be a dull ride though. Here are the hi...

It’s been another tough year, hasn’t it? As we’ve cycled through another of our increasingly limited revolutions around the sun , there’s not a lot to celebrate or dwell on with much heart. Nor is there much optimistic honesty with which to declare a Happy New Year as we drink ourselves into a stupor long before the midnight bell tolls. But 2023 hasn’t all been gloom for the world at large; there have been bright spots and moments of hope -little joys amidst the pain that has kept life worth living. Indeed in some respects it has been a picnic this year, which I can speak to authoritatively as one whose consciousness this past month was transferred against my will into the mind of a forty-five year old Icelandic physics professor. In the span of a few hours I lived out the whole of 2024 in their life. Here is just some of what I witnessed through their eyes.   January -Following on the heels of several higher profile labour actions in 2023, teachers in Saskatchewan go on strike. In...

Drink some fine eggnog to another year done and gone! It’s getting a tad repetitive that each year of the 2020s sucks, and 2022 was little better than either of its’ predecessors.  Sure it had its’ high points -the defeat of Bolsonaro, the death of the Queen; but overall was mostly another string of disappointments in politics, culture, hope for humanity -all that stuff. Still, some are looking forward to 2023 with optimism and purpose. Surely the hardships can’t persist much longer, there’s light at the end of the tunnel… Fools! I once again have been blessed (cursed?) with knowing what we will bear witness to and what will become of us in the coming twelve months. The New Years’ Oracle has shown me all, and I cannot bear that burden of knowledge alone. Plus it’s just more fun to watch the chaos -it’s all I’ve got really. Anyway, you know the drill; the most momentous stories of 2023 are:   January –Three months after ascending to the post of Prime Minister of the United Kin...

We’re here again! End of another largely terrible year. As I accurately foretold this time last year it was indeed marginally better than the last one -though only marginally. 2021 was a dud, and only seemed to further show us the face of our doom. We’ve got a new COVID variant to worry about (wasn’t this supposed to be over by now??), and what societal, cultural progress is being made is so slow it’s likely to mean zilch anyways. Still, 2022 could be better -although I gotta tell ya honestly, it won’t. I have seen it, and I curse every day the wizard who gifted me this hideous clairvoyance. But I feel obliged to warn humanity of what is to come. Ripped from the headlines, this is the fate of our world in 2022! January –In Canada, the Conservative Party kicks out leader Erin O’Toole for not being repugnant enough, replacing him with fellow Irish-Canadian blowhard Rex Murphy to rebrand the party’s image for the 1950s. Meanwhile, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, vacationing in Barbados bu...

          Well shit. After the preview of 2020 that I got last year, I had no idea the laws of the universe in order to prevent a paradox would overcorrect so drastically that it would contrive an even worse version of 2020 than I had foreseen! Turns out I may be responsible for this past year… Sorry! But before the mobs come after me to burn and eat my flesh as a potential COVID cure, I feel I should share that I found a way (I won’t divulge how but it involved a blood ritual with Mephistopheles) to visit the future again and see what 2021 has in store for us and if we indeed have anything to look forward to post-Year of Hell: January –Joe Biden is inaugurated the 46 th  President of the United States on the 20 th . Loser Donald Trump leads a march of his supporters on the Washington Capitol Building in one last attempt at a coup, only to find they changed venues without telling him. In the middle of a subsequent furious tirade, the failed oligarch s...

Egads,   it happened again! Through crimes against the laws of physics so horrible I fear divulging them, I was taken to the future over the Christmas holidays to witness the world as it is at the end of 2020! And it is a terrible, chaotic, unnatural, exciting, and bewilderingly horny place. So I now feel it my duty to warn you all of what is coming in the awesome monstrosity yet spontaneous hellfire that is the coming year: January –Donald Trump’s impeachment moves to the Senate where he insists on testifying personally, during the process of which he strangles three witnesses, foams at the mouth, moons the Democratic caucus, and orders a North Korean investigation into Bernie Sanders from the witness stand. Mitch McConnell acquits him of all charges. February –In lieu of being denied Oscar consideration, the Academy strikes a deal with Tom Hooper allowing the cats of Cats to host the 92 nd  Academy Awards. They prance, twirl, and gyrate on stage for three hou...

Last week I went on an adventure with the Doctor. I’m not at liberty to divulge what it was (but we totally fought Daleks in it!), however at the end of it she decided to show me what’s to come in the year 2019. I didn’t know at the time whether this was a reward for my participation in her saving the day or a punishment. It was a punishment. So allow me to present a peak behind the curtain at the major news stories and events that lie before the world in 2019. January: The U.S. government remains shut down for most of the month over Donald Trump’s Border Wall. Trump only relents when he realizes its much easier to kill Mexicans when there isn’t a slab of concrete in the way. February: The induction of a Best Popular Picture category at the Academy Awards results in exactly zero higher ratings than the previous year. The winner in that category being The Nutcracker and the Four Realms  causes some to suspect the real progenitor of that idea. March: In a last minute B...

2017 has been a rough, discordant year and I’m sorry to say 2018’s not going to be any better. We’re in for a bizarre twelve months ahead, with some things good, some things bad, and some things strange. I’ve seen it through means I can’t disclose, but I feel the public deserves to know at least some of what they’re in store for. So here I’m revealing the biggest news stories of each month of 2018! Prepare yourselves, look on the bright side, and try to act surprised: January: After Kim Jong-Un demands construction of more nuclear missiles bigger and longer than Americas’, he is crushed when a thirteen foot juggernaut falls on top of him during a demonstration. February: The Hollywood Sex Abuse Scandal awkwardly hangs over the Academy Awards as every woman presenter and nominee comes armed with a taser in their bra. March: Humanity breathes a sigh of relief as Twitter is put out of commission. U.S. President Donald Trump throws a brief tantrum before his handler introduces...

          2016’s been one of the most horrible years on record, hasn’t it? From refugee crises to political disasters, environmental disasters to a cavalcade of celebrity deaths including David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Ronnie Corbett, Garry Shandling, Harper Lee, Abe Vigoda, Prince, Muhammad Ali, Anton Yelchin, Kenny Baker, Gene Wilder, Richard Thompson, Leonard Cohen, Andrew Sachs, Zsa Zsa Gabor, George Michael, Carrie Fisher and her mother Debbie Reynolds. So it’s wonderful to have 2016 over with. We can only hope everything will be better in 2017.           Or can we? Through methods I cannot disclose, I’ve peered into the future and caught a glimpse of what 2017 holds. Here are the things you deserve to be warned about: January: Donald Trump is inaugurated the 45th President of the United States. Meat Loaf performs at the ceremony and is soon after appointed Secretary of Agriculture when Trump realizes he doesn’t have one yet. Trump...

It’s the start of a New Year so it’s time to look ahead once again. For me that means digging up my time machine out of storage and travelling forward into the next year to see exactly how well we fared out in 2016. The results were interesting to say the least, and now I’m back with the biggest headlines of each month. What’s in store for the coming year? You may be surprised. Or you may not. Nevertheless, enjoy these snippets of 2016: -January: In the world of fashion, the mullet comes back into style. Jimmy Fallon sports one for a Tonight Show bit leading to millions of men and boys adopting it. Michael Bolton rejoices. -February: Chris Rock is replaced as Academy Awards host at the last minute by a safer Steve Harvey. The Oscar for Best Actor mistakenly goes to Leonardo DiCaprio. -March: After the Full House reunion on Netflix’s Fuller House , comedy suffers a mild stroke. On a related note, the mullet goes back out of style. -April: Climate change forces polar be...