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2016: A Year in Review

It’s the start of a New Year so it’s time to look ahead once again. For me that means digging up my time machine out of storage and travelling forward into the next year to see exactly how well we fared out in 2016. The results were interesting to say the least, and now I’m back with the biggest headlines of each month. What’s in store for the coming year? You may be surprised. Or you may not. Nevertheless, enjoy these snippets of 2016:

-January: In the world of fashion, the mullet comes back into style. Jimmy Fallon sports one for a Tonight Show bit leading to millions of men and boys adopting it. Michael Bolton rejoices.

-February: Chris Rock is replaced as Academy Awards host at the last minute by a safer Steve Harvey. The Oscar for Best Actor mistakenly goes to Leonardo DiCaprio.

-March: After the Full House reunion on Netflix’s Fuller House, comedy suffers a mild stroke. On a related note, the mullet goes back out of style.

-April: Climate change forces polar bears to take drastic action and in a hostile takeover they drive everyone out of the Territories. The rest of Canada doesn’t notice.

-May: The Anonymous-ISIS War is brought to a temporary halt when a large population of irritated mothers cut off their kids’ internet connections. 

-June: A bill is passed allowing M16 assault rifles to be issued to all Americans, which miraculously brings an end to all mass shootings and gun violence.

-July: Adele goes on a world tour, her single “Hello” receiving wide acclaim for its simple title and soulful love ballad. Lionel Ritchie decides to show her how it’s done.

-August: More than six hundred courageous trans-people come out of the closet, but no one cares because they were never on a bad reality show.

-September: Justin Trudeau cements his place as sexiest world leader when he does a photoshoot for Vogue. During his four week holiday, Stephane Dion is left in charge. Even conservatives beg Trudeau to come back.

-October: Doctors discover a cure for common sense, but realize most of the world’s been operating under it for decades.

-November: Under suspicious circumstances, Donald Trump is elected President of the United States with running mate Sean Hannity. Canada prepares to welcome three hundred million American refugees. 

-December: Just in time for the holiday season, the dead rise from their graves and begin devouring the human race. Zombie Charlemagne is appointed supreme potentate while Zombie Lincoln leads the slaughter of humankind. Nevertheless everyone living and undead come together on the 18th to watch the fiftieth anniversary of How the Grinch Stole Christmas? on ABC. 

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