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You, Me & a Paint-By-Numbers Tourist Romance

It should be stated clear upfront, You, Me & Tuscany is one of those romantic-comedies made purely to showcase hot people falling in love against a gorgeous scenic backdrop. The last movie of that variety I saw, Anyone But You, interspersed it with a loose Shakespeare adaptation, but that itself played perfectly into the standard rom-com enemies-to-lovers trope. You, Me & Tuscany, directed by Kat Coiro, doesn’t have a classic literary element to it, but engages in the tried and true fantasy of the young woman travelling to an exotic locale where she is swept off her feet by a handsome stranger. There’s nothing wrong with that premise as a generic starting block, the bones to something more. But this is a movie that doesn’t really have much more despite its efforts to carve something of a unique situation into it.
Halle Bailey stars as Anna, a cook turned house-sitter in New York who meets an Italian man called Matteo (Lorenzo de Moor) in a bar one night after losing a job. They chat and become friendly, and he encourages her to visit Tuscany, where he is from and she has always wanted to go. Though their intended romantic night doesn’t take off, she takes his advice and goes to Italy, unknowingly arriving in the midst of a busy summer festival with nowhere to stay. Willfully misinterpreting Matteo’s words to her, she squats at his estate before being discovered by his family and staff -soon playing along with their assumption she is his new fiancé and is boisterously welcomed into the clan. Of course in the process of this charade, she finds herself falling in love with Matteo’s down-to-earth wine-maker cousin Michael (Regé-Jean Page).
The tension between Anna and Michael is pretty thin and surface-level, even as far as these movies go. They meet in a very conventional fashion where Michael appears to be a snarky asshole spoiling a small part of Anna’s perfect vacation, who is nonetheless given some implicit grace via his good looks. And though there isn’t that outright hostility between them as in the Much Ado mold, their relationship is quickly defined by some light verbal sparring that fairly early turns into obvious flirtation. And while both Bailey and Page are good enough at it, there’s no real substance beneath. Coiro shoots both actors in very sexually complimentary ways -though the movie itself is extremely chaste for a romantic-comedy- as though she is aware this is the chief element of attraction regardless of any hollow gestures towards deeper connection. And it’s not that that is necessarily needed -hot people are allowed to fall in love superficially in movies as in life, and Bailey and Page don’t have a problem selling that; but the movie really does try to paint it as much more without doing the work. Emphasizing the deaths of Michael’s parents -British immigrants to Italy- or Anna’s mother whose memory has kept her from her cooking career. It’s pretty much the only thread to connect them as there are no real class or cultural ties between them -even Michael’s blackness, acknowledged at one point as something conspicuous in Tuscany, doesn’t ever feature as something that has informed his experience or with which he and Anna can relate. There is a lot that could be explored in giving the relationship meaning, but it’s left out of the picture in favour of a kind of brooding affability for Michael and a casual flirty wonder for Anna.
Even Matteo coming back into the picture doesn’t much embolden the romantic tangibility -initially dismayed by Anna’s ruse but going along with it himself due to his family’s intensely positive reaction. Coiro is unsure of how to position him in relation to Anna and Michael. He vacillates between being considerate and rudely ignorant, genuine and deceitful, an earnest perhaps complicatedly charming alternative to Michael and the archetypal obvious bad guy of a love triangle. His role is not one of consistency but to fit the immediate needs of a particular beat.
His family, though posturing as an outrageous clan, are for the most part uninteresting and undeveloped. Several of them come off as vague analogues to equivalent characters in My Big Fat Greek Wedding -a conscious influence on this film marked by an early cameo by Nia Vardalos- though they can’t boast the likes of Michael Constantine or Andrea Martin. Isabella Ferrari’s mother is overbearing and presumptuous, but there is no relationship developed between her and Anna, no real time devoted to her obsession with her son’s wedding. One gets the impression a lot of the actors cast have a less than fluent grasp of English, and so the movie keeps their roles limited or else quiet. The only member of the extended family to make any impression is Francesca (Stella Pecollo) whose role mostly amounts to her lusting after a scruffy plumber called, no joke, Luigi.
That is emblematic of the movie's sense of humour, which is often mild and cheesy, prone occasionally to elements of farce -such as in Anna's initial attempt to sneak out of Matteo's house before his family catches her. The barbs traded between her and Michael can sometimes be cute -aided by sexual chemistry- but they aren't often smart or original. It is unclear how much of the dialogue from the gay cabbie played by Marco Calvani, acting as a recurring confidante for Anna, are meant to be jokes. Some elements, like the running gag of one teenage relative being an aspiring internet influencer, are more awkward than anything. And much as I appreciate a random reference to the movie Sideways it feels extremely out of place -and emphasizes the whiteness of both the writer and director behind these black characters. That also comes across in the weird bits of broad humour featuring Anna's American friend Claire (Aziza Scott) commenting with brash cultural hyperbole on each new development like a meagre version of Lil Rel in Get Out, and a pair of scenes involving a tour vehicle spotting Anna and Michael in compromising positions in a vineyard that downright feels on loan from first a bad Kristen Wiig sketch and then a Tyler Perry movie.
Even for a by-the-numbers rom-com, You, Me & Tuscany ends on an incredibly contrived and convenient note, turning or establishing several character sensibilities on a dime for the sake of a happy ending. It is entirely fanciful of course, pristine wish fulfillment exactly as advertised. The movie certainly doesn't waste a moment of picturesque scenery -the breathtaking vineyard vistas and quaint town architecture of Tuscany is shot with succulent glory. The movie withstands any marginal efforts to detract from the place's paradisiacal overtones. The romance of Tuscany -and the appeal of romance IN Tuscany- is captured (though other movies have done so better) and this film is a success if that is the goal. But it falls considerably short of being anything beyond that, of standing out meaningfully against dozens of Hallmark romances operating at a fraction of the cost, and having any real substance as a love story.

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